Some of the worst advice you can give to someone TTC.
“Just relax.” For some of us it’s akin to telling a man diagnosed with cancer to stop his chemo treatments and just relax. It’s almost irresponsible. Yes I too have heard the tales, of the lucky lady who stopped trying after several failed rounds of IVF and bam got pregnant, but she tried everything first and probably tried relaxing several times leading up to the IVF decision and failed to get pregnant by relaxing. The “Just relax” people who had no trouble getting pregnant do not seem to understand that it’s not like we just try for a month or two and then decide it’s not working and then go straight to IVF(well some people probably do). I won’t go into the steps between starting TTC and ultimately IVF but there are more than some might think. The aforementioned lucky lady was probably only “relaxing” long enough to try IVF(or anything) again.
Another good one: “Take a nice vacation(and Relax)” (It's a twofer!)Sure vacation babies exist, or so I’m told, but several sex filled, relaxing vacations or weekend trips have yet to knock me up. Sure I’m not planning them around my suspected time of ovulation but that would kind of defeat the purpose of a relaxing vacation to get your mind off of TTC.
Another one of my favorites is: “Give it to God and if he sees fit for you to have a child you will. I’ll pray for you” Fanfuckingtastic. When do I tell you that I don’t believe in your prayer any more than you believe in having an open mind to any other religion than your own? Maybe I’m just bitter about that one. If prayer worked I would have half a dozen kids by now. If you really want to be helpful a large check for uncovered by insurance fertility treatments would be nice thanks. OK, for reals. I actually really appreciate the prayers others give. Honestly, I can’t prove that they don’t work but neither can I prove that they do. I have prayed before, I just feel like a fraud doing so. I have called out earnestly to any deity that would listen, but none have so far. I can’t do it anymore; I don’t think the negative emotions that prayer creates for me are helpful for any reason, much less in the TTC arena.
That’s really the crux of it: Advice givers, your helpful advice, no matter how genuine, creates negative emotions. It’s stressful enough living everyday with an inability to conceive, my failures repeating in my mind day after day, without you telling me to relax. The best thing you can do for someone struggling to conceive is to clam up. Shut your damn mouth. Give me a hug, a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to, give me a friend. If you must give me advice or tips please limit yourself to “Dr. SoandSo is giving free fertility treatments to women named Anna” or “I hear chocolate is great for TTC and Godiva is having a huge blowout sale.”
